Listening seems simple—we do it constantly. But there's a world of difference between hearing someone's words and truly listening to understand. Active listening is a skill that transforms conversations from exchanges of information into genuine connections.
— Stephen Covey
🤔 What Is Active Listening?
Active listening is fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively hearing the message. It involves:
- Paying full attention to the speaker
- Showing that you're listening through verbal and non-verbal cues
- Providing feedback that demonstrates understanding
- Deferring judgment until the speaker finishes
- Responding thoughtfully to what was shared
✨ Key Techniques
1. Give Your Full Attention
Put away distractions. Close other tabs. Look at the camera (not your self-view). Your attention is a gift—give it completely.
On video: Maintain "eye contact" by looking at your camera, not the screen. Lean in slightly. Keep your body language open.
2. Use Verbal Affirmations
Small verbal cues show you're engaged: "I see," "Mm-hmm," "That makes sense," "Go on." These encourage the speaker to continue without interrupting their flow.
3. Reflect and Paraphrase
Periodically summarize what you've heard: "So what you're saying is..." or "It sounds like you felt..." This confirms your understanding and shows you're paying attention.
4. Ask Clarifying Questions
When something isn't clear, ask: "Can you tell me more about that?" or "What do you mean by...?" This shows genuine interest and helps you understand fully.
5. Acknowledge Emotions
Listen for feelings, not just facts. "That must have been frustrating" or "It sounds like you're really excited about this" validates their emotional experience.
🚫 Common Listening Mistakes
Interrupting
❌ Poor Listening
"Oh yeah, that reminds me of when I—" (cuts off speaker)
✅ Active Listening
Wait for them to finish, then: "That's interesting. Can I share a similar experience?"
Planning Your Response
❌ Poor Listening
(Thinking about what you'll say next instead of listening)
✅ Active Listening
Focus entirely on their words. Trust that you'll know what to say when it's your turn.
Offering Unsolicited Advice
❌ Poor Listening
"What you should do is..." (when they didn't ask)
✅ Active Listening
"That sounds challenging. Would you like my thoughts, or do you need to vent?"
Making It About You
❌ Poor Listening
"I know exactly how you feel. When I..." (long personal story)
✅ Active Listening
Keep the focus on them. Share briefly if relevant, then return: "How did that make you feel?"
🎯 Active Listening in Video Chat
Video conversations present unique challenges for active listening:
- Manage the delay: Slight audio delay can lead to talking over each other. Pause a beat before responding.
- Exaggerate visual cues: Nods and facial expressions need to be slightly more pronounced to read clearly on video.
- Minimize self-view distraction: Hide or shrink your self-view so you're not focused on how you look.
- Deal with technical issues gracefully: If audio cuts out, ask them to repeat. Don't pretend you heard when you didn't.
💡 Practice Exercise
In your next conversation, try this:
- Set an intention before the call: "I will focus on understanding, not responding"
- Count to 2 after they stop speaking before you respond
- Ask at least 3 follow-up questions based on what they share
- Summarize a key point they made before the conversation ends
- Afterward, reflect: What did you learn about them? How did they seem to respond to feeling heard?
Active listening isn't about performing—it's about genuinely caring about what another person has to say. When you listen with full presence, you give people something rare and valuable: the experience of being truly heard.
Practice Makes Perfect
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